An interview with Giordano Bruno

Alison: Giordano Bruno, please accept my most sincere gratitude on behalf of all interested people for agreeing to meet me for this interview today. Thank you very, very much!

Giordano: It is my very great pleasure, Alison.

Alison: Giordano - just before we get into the details of your life - I would love to know, how are you? How have you been faring since the late sixteenth century? How is your life now?

Giordano: Well, Alison, as you probably realise, I have undergone significant personal transformation since that time, both as a result of the dastardly actions of my Inquisitors, and as a natural consequence of the cycles governing the periodic manifestation of physical bodies. While I am no longer occupying that particular body, let me assure you, Alison, that Universe is indeed most and utterly benevolent. My life is sweet, Alison!

Alison: Now, Giordano, I understand that you actually were ordained as a priest of the Dominican order in 1572 but by 1576 you had already left the order. Could you tell us what happened?

Giordano: There were so many who went to religious orders in those times, in search of a half-decent life, Alison, and I was no different, although perhaps my motives were better than some, I do not know. All I know is that the people running this so-called religious order were some of the most dogma-addicted creeps you are ever likely to meet. I didn't care a shit for them, and I told them so. I told them to place their silly book in a particular orifice of the body, which statement I later found had irritated them somewhat. They started to gang up on me like a bunch of thugs, so I told them to go to some Hell or other and left. That's when I started my travelling phase.

Alison: Were you really so much of a rebel?

Giordano: Well, as I said, these people were dogma-addicted creeps. You cannot say anything in front of such people if it contradicts their silly book. I wasn't all that bad, I don't reckon, but hey, you don't have the right to your own brain in that Dominican place. They were going to prosecute me for heresy for something or other I said about Mary and Joseph, Rabbi Yeshua's parents. But anyway these people didn't need a whole lot of excuses. Control freaks the lot of them, Alison.

Alison: Well there are still plenty of them around today, aren't there? How much progress has humanity really made in philosophy since your death?

Giordano: Yes, these control freaks are everywhere in your times, too, Alison. Personally, I think humanity has gone backwards in the last four hundred years, not forwards.

Alison: What did you actually say that was heretical, Giordano? History claims to have lost the paperwork.

Giordano: Yes, very convenient, isn't it, that they should somehow accidentally "lose" the records of the actual charges which were filed against me. In fact, what I said was simply that it was obvious to me that Mary and Joseph had an active sex life, and that it was far more likely that Rabbi Yeshua was the product of their sexual union, rather than the product of the sexual union of God with this one particular woman. Of course, while I now know that this is entirely correct, I feel proud that my intuition was on the right track at that time. But these Dominican goons were like rabid dogs. They had an excuse for controlling behaviour now and they exercised it against me.

Alison: Giordano, there are many who say today that you brought your troubles upon yourself, that you acted with folly and so on. Are these people right?

Giordano: As you know, Alison, all the speculations of historians can be summed up in one word, "crap". It is alright for historians to bleat about my supposed disagreeable personality and my supposed repeated failure to learn what they suppose that I "did wrong". In this, as in all other similiar cases, Alison, these people are sycophantic servants of the powers-that-be, writing history from their high backed leather chairs from the perspective of those who hold the power, yet strangely, always holding themselves up as some kind of pinnacle of objectivity, whilst never acknowledging their biased position within the overall power dynamic operative in typical Western society and culture. These people did not know me, they are making a judgement upon circumstantial evidence, folly is in the eye of the beholder, I did what I thought was right and there are no regrets. Stuff them.

Alison: Thank you, Giordano, for your valuable and pertinent views upon the subject of the so-called, "academic perspective" of so-called, "historians". I find your views are very similar to my own. Now, I want to ask whether you had any choice in the matter when you returned to Venice, or were you forced to go?

Giordano: I went of my own free will, Alison, to Venice, the place where I had already lived more than a decade of my life, wasting my time with the Dominicans. But I had plenty of friends there, and like all people I treasure my friends, and I went there to see them and to spend time with them discussing philosophical questions which had always been of great interest to me.

Alison: Now history records that you travelled back to Venice at the invitation of Mocenigo, and that he eventually denounced you to the Inquisition, is that correct?

Giordano: Yes indeed. This pathetic little man, hardly worth the value of the oxygen required to keep him alive, betrayed me to the Inquisition to satify his desire for revenge against me. He was envious of my superior knowledge. That was his problem.

Alison: How many years did you spend in the dungeon? What was it like in those times?

Giordano: As you know, Alison, I am a practitioner of the ancient majix of Thrice-Great Hermes, and I had no difficulty in spending my time intensively in the pursuit of majixal energy and hyperenergetic transformation, while I was phsysically imprisoned in that hell-hole. For this, I received many benefits, until things got to the point where I was prepared to put everything on the line - even my life - to expose the hypocritical bunch of patriarchal lies which controlled society so extensively in my day.

Alison: So this Mocenigo dude snitched on you, like a cockroach?

Giordano: Exactly, Alison. I like your choice of words.

Alison: Did they give you much warning of your impending murder?

Giordano: None at all, really, the cowards. Oh, I knew what was coming, I suppose, but by that time I didn't care. Some things are more important than the earthly life, Alison. Truth is One Such Thing.

Alison: Were you frightened when they brought you to the stake?

Giordano: I was completely in a state of transcendence, Alison, and although I knew what was occurring, my soul was already touching the very substance of Paradise. I was determined that these goons should not deter me from my spiritual immersion in reality - the very truth of reality - which is that everything is derived from Paradise substances.

Alison: Can you tell us in your own words what it was like when they tied you to the stake?

Giordano: Oh, Alison, it was obviously terrible from a human point of view. Before me was a huge pack of what I can only describe as mechanized flesh, baying and barking like a pack of silly dogs, drunk on misery, pain, and the necessity to control others. They were barking and yelling in an insane way, and I was aware of them although not particularly interested in them. I knew what these creatures were like, and I well knew their total lack of capacity for any individualised personality manifestations. I just continued to practise my vortical mind and brain technology derived in great measure from Hermes Thrice-Great, Trismegistus as He is known, until I saw the very flames licking at my body.

Alison: Tell us how you really felt, Giordano.

Giordano: Alison, I was in such a state, as I looked at them, I was filled with love and compassion. Paradise substances were flowing through my body like ten thousand simultaneous orgasms, in which, by the way, I was considered by many to be an expert, although of course history has hidden the facts about my practise of sexual majix. I forgave them as I burned, I loved them as I burned, I had compassion for them as I burned. I speak the truth, not to self-aggrandise, but to state things as they really, really were, Alison.

Alison: Do you feel any resentment towards the Inquisition, the Catholic Church, or the mechanized dogma-bots who jeered you?

Giordano: No, Alison, I do not. Everything is meant to be the way that it is. I have benefitted in corresponding measure according to Universal laws from the events of my life, just as the identity vortices which constituted these creatures must deal with the consequences of their lives, their attitudes, and their beliefs. Resentment is pointless and by the grace of the Goddess, I was able to conquer it, Alison. I love all people.

Alison: Thank you Giordano. I think that's probably enough for today. Will you return sometime to continue our discussions about your life? I have so many more things to ask you about.

Giordano: Of course, Alison. Just say the time and I will be there, sweetie.

Alison: A little kiss?

Giordano, smiling: Of course.

Alison: Thank you so much for your time, Giordano.

Giordano: It is my pleasure indeed, Alison.